Better to Be Anything than a Lesbian, by Bev Jo

I’m proud to be a Lesbian. I have never wanted to be anything else. That’s why I’ve been surprised and upset by the increasing number of Lesbians who are deciding to become “men” or believe that they already are “men.” I know a lot of them are trying to avoid oppression or are wanting male privilege. Loren Cameron, a “Female to Male Transsexual,” at a reading for her book (I can’t bring myself to call someone born female by male pronouns), “Body Alchemy,”described how she was treated with respect by the women and gay male staff of a San Francisco clothing store – but when an obvious Butch came into the store, the staff made fun of her. In a documentary, a Lesbian described how much better her life was as a man. She was more accepted at work and by her lover’s family. Her lover’s father said how angry he’d been that his daughter was a Lesbian, but now his daughter was “normal” because her lover had become a “man.” As he said, “It’s better than being a Lesbian."

It’s even more disturbing that young girls are being pressured to become transsexuals. I saw a documentary in England about girls who didn’t want the male-defined “feminine” role that patriarchy insists we conform to. The girls liked the comfortable and more protective clothes made for boys instead of skirts and dresses, and they liked doing the active things that boys are encouraged to do instead of playing with make-up and hair styles, posing, and flirting with boys. Instead of understanding that being naturally female includes liking to do things considered “male” and that “femininity” in patriarchal cultures is actually a male invention, the girls were encouraged to believe that they were really “males” inside of females’ bodies. One of the English girls went with her family to Amsterdam to enroll in the Dutch transsexual program so she could begin treatment, which included a hysterectomy, a double mastectomy, surgery to alter her vulva, and daily injections of testosterone – all before she reached puberty. Nothing was said about what if these girls changed their minds later. And not once was the word “Lesbian” ever mentioned as a possible alternative to explain their feelings. No other explanations were suggested either – not even basic feminist ideas about gender equality.

A friend sent me a taping of a U.S. radio program in which a mother described her little girl wishing she were a boy from the age of three. Again, everything the girl said about why she wanted to be accepted as male made sense in the context of male privilege. She’d been disappointed when her grandmother gave her a frilly dress for her birthday, so she asked her mother, “Why don’t you tell grandma I’m not the kind of girl who wears dresses?” When that didn’t work, she tried, “Why don’t you tell her I’m a boy?” When the girl was six, her mother told her she couldn’t be a boy since she didn’t have a penis, so she said she wanted one. If the conversation had ended here, that could have been used by proponents of transsexualism as proof that the girl truly wanted to be male. But when her mother explained to her what a penis was, the little girl said she didn’t want one. Still, her mother, who seemed unusually aware and caring, explained to the interviewer how she’d accepted, with “professional” help, that her daughter was a transsexual and would have to face surgery, testosterone injections, etc. Again, not once was gender equality or the word “Lesbian” mentioned.

I don’t know why I’m surprised that many hets would prefer that girls mutilate themselves and injure their health than become Lesbians. But why is this also happening among Lesbians?

Teenaged Teena Brandon changed her name to Brandon Teena in order to pass as male and be accepted by local girls in her small town in Nebraska. When she was found out, a group of men raped and murdered her. The only quote I’ve read by an actual friend of hers described her as a “Lesbian.” But everything I’ve read and heard since then in the Gay and mainstream media describes her as a “female to male transsexual.” I wish she could speak for herself.

Although they’re often included together, FTMs and MTFs are very different. I think it’s fine if MTFs want to be with other men and claim to be het women, as long as they don’t invade female-only space. I’m suspicious of any man claiming to be a Lesbian. The first MTF I met when I was 17 was a het man who constantly harassed me to be with him, even though I told him I was a Lesbian. He had no understanding at all of what that meant and certainly didn’t feel like he was a female trapped in a male body, yet a few years later he was not only claiming to be a Lesbian, but had become vice president of a Lesbian organization, eventually leading to the group ending. He’s written as a Lesbian for years and has lied when asked if he’s female-born, in order to get published. More men are being published as Lesbians than you might think. MTFs have caused tremendous damage to Lesbian communities, yet they’re so clearly men, with all the arrogance that male privilege and power gives. Het men want access to Lesbians (that’s a common pornographic theme), and claiming to be Lesbians is another way to get it.

However, these men wouldn’t be able to invade Lesbian space if Lesbians didn’t support them. Too often, Lesbians generously believe them when they say how oppressed they are -- forgetting that, while they’re welcoming these men into the few remaining female-only spaces (and almost non-existent Lesbian-only spaces), they’re making those places no longer safe for Lesbians who don’t want to be forced to be with men. I don’t want any Lesbian to have to go through what I’ve had to experience: Seeing the man who harassed me being welcomed as a “Lesbian” in female-only space and seeing his writing about “Lesbian Sex” printed in a feminist female-only publication (“off our backs” in 1992).

In her moving novel, “Stone Butch Blues,” Leslie Feinberg tells the story of Jess, a Butch who’d suffered years of harassment and rape by boys and men who wanted sexual access to Lesbians – and how Lesbians had to fight to defend the tiny amount of space they had in a predominately het bar. Yet the MTF she describes in her book is presented only in positive terms as sharing oppression with Butches. Rather than identifying with those of us who feel in the same position in relation to MTFs, she supports the MTF group who demand to be allowed into the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival each year, which would destroy that rare remaining female-only space. Why doesn’t she consider those men similar to the males she wrote about who insisted on getting access to Lesbians against our will? And what is more male than trying to invade females who say “no?”

There is tremendous pressure now to accept people as transsexuals without questioning what that means. If you don’t immediately agree, you’re likely to be called “transphobic,” as if Lesbians are in a power position over men pretending to be female or females pretending to be men. But both groups have more power than Lesbians – either they have experienced male privilege (which influences them still) or they’re getting male privilege now. It’s like accusing a woman of being male-phobic because we dare to question male privilege. Would we accept or be expected to accept someone claiming to be a Person of Color if they were born European-descent – especially if they demanded to be accepted by that community – and, even more so, if they wanted to be in power positions as leaders or writers representing the oppressed culture? If we wouldn’t accept that surgeons and other artificial methods could change someone’s race, then why accept that male surgeons can create females out of males? And if we believe that they’re just correcting a mistake because that man really feels he’s female inside, then would we accept someone European-descent who really believes they’re Native American inside (a lot of people claim this, but, hopefully, aware people recognize this as racist.) I think that the reason that Lesbians are so willing to accept gender as less important than race is because female and Lesbian oppression isn’t taken seriously and because they’re impressed that a man would want to be one of us, and, also, because Lesbians are so kind and welcoming and don’t want to hurt anyone, even if it means hurting themselves or their own kind.

I feel differently about Lesbians who say they are or want to be men. I feel betrayed by them because men are our oppressors, but the few I’ve met seemed to be kind Lesbians (which is one of the biggest compliments I can give.) And I don’t object to their being in female-only space because they know what it’s like to grow up oppressed as females and often as Lesbians. I understand questioning and rejecting the unnatural “feminine” role patriarchy sets up for us. We’re expected to alter our voices, body size and posture, wear demeaning clothing that make us more vulnerable to harassment and attack, wear shoes that damage our feet and backs and that prevent us from running or defending ourselves, mask our faces with lurid toxic chemicals, alter our hair texture and color with chemicals, burn, cut, or electrolysize our natural facial and body hair, etc. – all in order to be “normal” and “feminine.” We’re expected to give up our dignity in how we look and act because only men are really allowed to be their natural selves. (For those who think things are much better than in the past, picture a man in the role of a woman in a movie, using the same gestures, expressions, and movements. Animated films for kids are even more revealing in pushing female stereotypes, which is training girls for their roles. Animation of animals is probably the most extreme. Contrast those female-hating caricatures with how real wild animals act and it becomes clear just how false “femininity” is.)

Even many Lesbians believe these lies. I’ve seen Lesbian writing too often describe such ugly, unnatural “femininity” as “beautiful” or “hot,” while describing natural females as “ugly” or “masculine.” Many females, including Lesbians, will do almost anything to not look naturally female (Lesbian) because that’s interpreted as being “male” and “masculine.” Even some of the few who are openly against “femininity” still accept the lie by describing themselves and others as “masculine,” when, in actuality, being a Lesbian is as far from that as possible. Looking like a Lesbian isn’t “masculine – and it’s not feminine by patriarchal definition either.

If we refuse to believe anti-Lesbian lies, then we’ll help make the world and our communities a safer place for females to be our natural selves, and we’ll make it easier for girls and adult females to not think that they have to torture their bodies, including “changing their sex,” in order to be accepted. It also helps to believe that being a Lesbian is a choice. I think that it’s the natural state of all females, but because of growing up with patriarchal propaganda and tremendous pressure around us to be het, many go against their nature – which means that it takes a lot of courage to choose to be a Lesbian. In spite of the oppression we get and harassment and attacks, and in spite of not usually even having the support of our families and neighborhoods that other oppressed groups get growing up, I can’t imagine giving up how wonderful it is to be a Lesbian – not for any privilege in the world.

Some females take the privileged way out by choosing to be with men while others choose to be with females but identify as “men.” I believe both those choices mean self-betrayal and betrayal of other females.

I can remember making that choice when I was three – I didn’t need to know the word “Lesbian” to live my life as a Lesbian, although most of us do hear the word “queer” while growing up. In this age when people are often told the outrageous idea that they choose to get cancer by having the wrong attitude, the mainstream as well as Gay media line is that we don’t have a choice about being Lesbian or Gay. The attitude is: “We hate being queer and would do anything to be normal like you, but we were born this way – so pity us and give us equal rights.” It’s as if the entire beginning of the Lesbian Feminist movement never happened. Yet, it’s obvious that we do make choices since most Lesbians once chose to be heterosexual and a lot go back to being het. And many ex-het Lesbian Feminists used to make it clear that they chose to be Lesbian as a political decision.

Saying we choose to be Lesbians gives us pride in ourselves and gives us the power to change mistakes. Instead of begging for acceptance or wanting to be something we’re not (whether it’s being het or trying to be male), we can know the revolutionary truth that being a Lesbian is the best choice of all.

1997